Why Forgive

Ok so as most who know me, know I’ve been working on forgiveness for a while!  I have made huge steps in not only understanding what furtiveness really means but being able to let go of some things I never thought I could!!  

I feel like  forgivenesses  has been a misunderstood concept used by religion to encourage us not to hold a grudge and to let go.  I’ve been in some weird cultish churches.  However, I think most of us have a need to comprehend and rationalize something to be able to truly follow it through,  I know I do for sure!  It is one of my strength and Also weakness all at the same time!!! I question every thing and every one!  So it’s no surprise for me to ask this when trying to understand forgiveness more..., Why should I forgive?

For me, I guess Ive always thought that  forgiveness was essentially something for "the other" person!  Or that I  could not forgive because I never got the apology I think I  need!!  And guess what?  One, That’s not what forgiveness is at all not even a little bit!!!  And two, the apology, in some cases is never coming!   

I’m a slow learner,lol!  But guess what?  Just hear me out...? Forgiveness isn’t even about the other person at all!!!

So for me realizing that forgiveness is a process not an immediate goal. And In order to be able to forgive I have to realize the fact that i need to do it for me and not someone else. The other person doesn’t even have to know they’ve been forgiven or their actions have been forgiven because like I said it is not about them! 

After many tears, long nights and extra counseling sessions i have realized that forgiveness is an internal feeling and not a certain behavior. It cannot be an imitation, it has to be authentic. 

I tell myself every day to be patient with the process since it differs so much from situation to situation and there is no handbook to say how long it takes someone to forgive. Every single day I  have a little extra faith and I give myself some credit for trying to forgive.

It’s very hard but this is all part of my fight in finding the girl I lost!  I see her!  I’m almost there!!!

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Note: 4 phases of forgiveness (copies from internet not mine)

Phase 1: the uncovering phase

Phase2: the decision phase

Phase 3: the work phase

Phase 4: the deepening phase

My counselor gave my a work sheet on the 4 phase you can google it and find it on line!  If this is something you’re working on going thru the phase is helpful!